I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
