Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
