I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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