i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
