Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
im on a boat
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