Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
