Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
