Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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