i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
