if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
