Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
They have beer where we have blood.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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