Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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