I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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