they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
