my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I would ride that face into the sunset
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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