My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
