chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
