I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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