I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
