Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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