you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
