my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
