I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
