if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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