Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
NoShamevember. You game?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
