I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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