The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
