You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
