I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
