so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
