i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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