I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
