Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
