I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
