I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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