some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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