I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
