we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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