hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
