you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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