we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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