he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
