You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
