dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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