Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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