I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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