mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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