Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I got inside last night via doggy door
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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