i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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