What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
